


The Quiet Thoughts of the Winners

by Tenkoz56



Category: Danganronpa
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27653048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tenkoz56/pseuds/Tenkoz56
Summary: SPOILERS FOR V3Himiko, Maki and Shuichi all won the killing game, so why does it hurt still?
Relationships: Harukawa Maki & Saihara Shuichi & Yumeno Himiko
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. Fresh Produce and Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Himiko gathers some fresh flowers and produce from the local garden.

**Fresh Produce and Flowers**

**Himiko’s POV**

**Tw: Mentions of Death, descriptive death descriptions, s//lf harm**

**——————**

What do winners think about? If you were a pianist, maybe you would think about your prized piece, the way your hands scraped over the keys so beautifully to create the sound of music, dazzling the crowd with melodies and swooning the judges. You hold the trophy within those prized fingertips. Maybe you were a Tennis Player, or a Maid, or an artist, mastered Aikido, studied Anthropology, invented things, studied bugs, maybe you were a supreme leader, or maybe you were an astronaut who reached for the stars, maybe you were a cosplayer, or maybe you were a simple robot.

Or maybe, you were like the survivors, who’s talents didn’t seem to take on much meaning to them any longer, yet they were winners. Survivors was a funny word, what it took to survive wasn’t wits or brain, it wasn’t simple skill, it was sacrifice. It was hope and despair. Something Himiko Yumeno was familiar with. 

The girl didn’t wear her hat, she didn’t bother to spit ‘it’s magic’ any longer. She knew that didn’t exist. She could say it over and over, yet her abilities and reasons to exist were fake. Himiko gave up on being the ultimate magician, if she was honest, she was never really that good at it, never worth being called an ultimate for it. She’s noticed that with Maki and Shuichi. Shuichi wasn’t a good detective now. Himiko liked to test him by stealing his things and leaving clues around for her own amusement. It went from stealing little things like pencils, then to larger things like his laptop. She left obvious clues, crumbs and marks leading to the spot she hid it, Shuichi could not find it for the life of him, and the clues didn’t seem to collect in his head.

Himiko couldn’t test Maki’s talent. She knew she couldn’t do it however. Himiko watched her in the kitchen, cutting up the carrots for the nights meals, always the same carrots. She would always note the shaky hands gripping the knife, and Saihara would have to correct her. Himiko guessed that leaving Danganronpa made their ‘ultimates’ seem worthless, because they didn’t exist.

So what were they good at now? Shuichi seemed to like to play video games from time to time. Himiko would sit and watch him, leaning against his arm and listening to the clicks of his controller. He would move the cars he was racing around, rolling over obstacles and drifting around corners. He was getting better from his first time, where he had trouble finding the button to drive. It was the right trigger, as Maki kept telling him, but he didn’t quite get it. Himiko still noted that he spent hours designing his car. That was the most boring part of watching him. She would leave once he got into that screen.

Maki liked to sew. Their clothes were limited, as the money they had saved up could only last for so long before it was gone. Maki sewed the clothes together, making wool sweaters and blankets for the three. Himiko always thought they were itchy, but each time she would complain, Maki reminded her that she can just walk around Naked and be cold. Himiko decided it was better to be itchy.

So what was Himiko really good at? She tended to think a lot. She tended to follow and watch, watching Maki sew, Shuichi play, but during those times she would think. Sometimes instead of thinking, she would walk. Himiko would sit up and walk down to the local flower garden. It was free, many people came to plant their flowers or other plants as a way of making the neighborhood beautiful again. Himiko took the same path everyday, she would skip over the cracks in the sidewalk, and sometimes walk on the red barriers. Sometimes Himiko pretended she was walking on a tightrope fifty feet above the ground, ready to preform a magical jump where she would suddenly appear on the ground below.

That wasn’t possible however. In her own mind.

_My bones would shatter into millions of little pieces, and my blood would spill to the floor. Everyone would watch as I died in agony._

Himiko held her breath at her own thoughts, shaking them away as she decided to walk normally, hands sliding into the pockets of her sweater, the one Maki had bought her as a gift for her birthday. Himiko believed it still faintly smelt of wax candles and the sad red velvet cake. The sweater was black, which was to Himiko’s liking, the blood stains on the sleeves didn’t show as well, so Maki and Shuichi couldn’t question her.

Himiko made her way into the garden, greeted by arrays of vibrantly colored orange, blue, yellow and red flowers. She was also greeted by an array of pollen, which always made her feel stuffy and itchy. Her favorite were the roses. The red was a pretty color, but she could never actually pick them as they stung her fingers. She didn’t need them anyhow, as none of the flowers she picked were ever for her.

After the wreckage of the ‘Hopes Peak Academy’, the three decided to sort through the rubble and find any belongings to keep. Himiko hadn’t told Maki and Shuichi that she found some of their old friend’s portraits, the ones that were used to ‘symbolize’ their friend’s appearances at trials. Himiko found Angie’s and Tenko’s in the rubble, neither of which had much of a scratch, she also found _his_ portrait. The mask was a facade, his appearance should’ve given that away from the beginning. Looking back at it now, Himiko couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He was programmed like everyone else, being mad at him for killing her two friends felt pointless to her, as he, like them, were scripted from the beginning to die. 

Himiko had taken their portraits, (yes even his), and everyday she would pick the same flowers for them. Himiko believed Angie would’ve liked yellow and white tulips, she picked violets for Tenko, mostly based off the poem that Himiko always forgot the words to. She would pick Petunias for him, she wasn’t sure why. She then would stick the stems in her bag, letting the flowers stick out as not to ruin their petals. Himiko would then pick the fresh vegetables or fruit growing in the garden, stuffing tomatoes and lemons in her pockets, and usually taking a watermelon or another large fruit with her. 

Himiko picked the watermelon off the stem, shakily lifting it up. She felt eyes fall on her, whispers shared between the other people in the garden. They recognized her easily, but the whispers had slowly died down after a couple months of living here. Of course, that didn’t stop tourists or new neighbors from whispering. Himiko turned, ignoring the whispers as she walked back on the sidewalk. 

Himiko walked into the house again, the familiar sound of race cars drifting along an imaginary track, and Maki on the phone once again. Himiko set the fresh produce on the marble counter, having a bit of trouble getting the watermelon onto it.

 _“No. We don’t need- we don’t want-“_ Maki grunted in annoyance, her eyes narrowed in on the ground. Himiko sat up on the counter, grabbing a tomato to bite straight into it. _“How much? ... We’ll think about it. Yes. Yes. I’ll call back once we made a decision.”_ Maki hung up the phone.

”Who was that?”

”Team Danganronpa.” Maki replied to Himiko, rubbing over her eyes as she sat up on the counter. Maki had bags under her eyes, dark, black ones. Himiko assumed it was from the restless sleep, as she could always feel Maki kicking her during it.

”Oh.” Himiko said simply, twirling the tomato on the counter that she had just bit out of.

”Don’t do that. I just washed the counters.” Maki scolded, causing Himiko to quickly stop. She instead bit into the tomato once more, looking away. Maki closed the silence, “Thank you for getting some food.”

”Nyeh.. I was going there anyway.”

”What do you go there for anyway, Himiko?” Shuichi asked, pausing his game to turn over. 

“I just pick flowers and some fruit.”

”I know, I mean, what are the flowers for?” Shuichi tilted his head, his hat (that he decided to wear again), nearly falling off.

”Nyeh. Just for myself. That reminds me.” She jumped down from the counter, leaving her half eaten tomato and walking into the shared room. She ignored the confused conversation between Shuichi and Maki. Himiko walked into the closet instead, pulling aside some boxes of shoes and other belongings.

A small white door, blending into the boring wall paper, came into view. Himiko opened it, crawling straight inside. It opened up after a couple inches in, letting Himiko stand up and walk into the small room. Himiko found it was behind the bathroom in their room, it was just big enough for Himiko to fit the shrines for the three victims. Tenko’s was in the middle, Angie on the left, and he was on the right. Flowers, pictures she drew herself, and small bowls were in front of each portrait. Himiko pulled out the flowers from her bag, laying the proper flowers in front of each portrait.

Himiko placed each one politely, whispering to herself.

 _”Oh Atua. Make sure they are safe..”_ Himiko placed the tulips, _”make sure they are happy.”_ She placed the violets _, “Make sure no one hurts them.”_ Himiko placed the Petunias. 

Himiko pulled out the small metal bowls from each of the shrines. She grabbed the pocket knife from her pocket, the one she stole from Maki. She then slit across her arm, deep. Pink blood drained from her arm and down into the first bowl. Another slit, and more blood spilled into the second, a third slit, her blood drained into the third. Himiko felt an overwhelming dizziness unfold. She felt her body tense and her arms sting with the pain.

_Is it finally happening?_

No. She wasn’t dead yet. Just dizzy. Himiko put the bowls of her blood back under the shrine, thinking of it as a gift to Atua to keep each of them safe, wherever they may be.

After a moment of quiet praying and gaining her composure, Himiko stood up, walking out of the closet and closing up her secret door. 


	2. Worry When I Don’t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three go to therapy, but afterwards, Himiko and Maki talk.

**Worry When I Don’t**

**Himiko’s POV**

**Tw: Mentions of Death, Depression**

**—————**

Three months have gone by since the destruction of their lives. It was so strange in a way, Himiko believed she had a life outside of Danganronpa. That was just false hope, the survivors have yet to find a trace of their old lives except for the one clip that Shuichi had of his interview. Maki’s and Himiko’s were supposedly ‘lost’. Himiko didn’t care too much about hers, she just wondered what made Angie and Tenko want to join. She could care less about why she did, that was over now. 

Three months was what it took to finally get a therapist. Danganronpa prescribed them one, as a little ‘sorry for ruining your lives’ type deal. Apparently all the survivors received therapy. It took the 53rd survivors three months. Himiko guessed this was fine, although getting out of bed to go to it was always a hassle, Maki always fought her about it, and Shuichi would remain to the side.

Himiko sat in the middle of Maki and Shuichi, the room was small, a desk, a couch, some trophies and diplomas laid on the walls. Himiko read one, Danganronpa, big letters. She questioned the credibility already. Himiko then looked back down, playing with her sleeves as the woman spoke.

”Hello you three. I’m Dr. H, it is nice to meet you guys.” The woman smiled ear to ear. Himiko didn’t look at her.

”Hello.” Maki answered, her eyes narrowed in. Himiko could tell she didn’t want to be here either.

”You all look great today. So today since it’s your first times being here, why don’t we just answer a few questions so I can get to know you guys? What are your favorite activities?” The woman pulled out a busted up clipboard.

Maki and Shuichi looked between each other, Shuichi starting first, “I like to play video games.” He said, Maki following up with her sewing.

”ohh! Those are all very fun hobbies! What about you?” She looked over at Himiko, talking in that little baby voice. Himiko didn’t look at her, she said nothing.

”Himiko hasn’t been in a good mood.” Maki answered, “She likes to take walks.” Maki looked down at Himiko. Himiko bit back any words.

”Well that is what therapy is for, talking about all this will help her feel better. But walks are very nice!” The woman wrote it down. Himiko felt as if she was mocking her. She shut her eyes.

The therapist went through multiple questions, Himiko just let Maki answer them for her. The therapist wrote them all down, commented nice things. Himiko wondered if she actually meant those things or if she was just being nice. None of their answers were really spectacular. They all struggled to do anything, they all had countless anti-depressants in their medicine cabinets, and they all were out of work, because no one wanted talentless nobodies. 

“I’m sure you all know why you are here. The company wanted you all to have a safe place to explain and start to heal from the atrocities that have happened to you. So why don’t I ask.. what happened during your time in Danganronpa?” The question stung Himiko’s throat, and looking between Maki and Shuichi, they also had no words to describe what they had gone through.

Shuichi started, “We were forced to kill our friends, with no memories on how we ended up there.. I think anyone would be damaged from something like that.” He said quietly. Himiko looked at him, wondering if he would mention Kaede.

”Kaede.” Shuichi stated, “My friend.. she didn’t even do it. She didn’t kill Rantaro, yet she was executed, she believed she did it..” Shuichi clutched his chest. Himiko reached out, giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder. He seemed to calm down a little bit. “It was just.. awful”

”I see.. I’m sure that was very tough. It’s already hard to lose a friend.. and you had to watch her be killed.” The therapist wrote this down.

Maki spoke, “I was fine. Nothing my memories told me I hadn’t seen before, but I got attached.” Maki sounded distant, even more so. Himiko frowned and looked down.

”What do you mean attached?” The therapist questioned.

“I had a.. friend. He died though. That was it.” Himiko looked into Maki’s eyes, seeing a small sense of sadness within them. She could tell Maki didn’t want to say more however. The therapist nodded and left it at that.

”What about you?” The therapist asked, again in that baby voice. 

“Do you want to tell her, Himiko?” Shuichi asked.

Himiko stayed quiet for a moment before finally looking at the therapist, “Nyeh.. I don’t want to talk about it.”

”Do you want your friends to tell me?”

”No.”

Himiko didn’t want to hear that pity from the woman. She didn’t want to hear that ‘it would be okay’ or ‘it wasn’t your fault’. Himiko decided that it wasn’t worth that.

The therapist gave a slow nod, “So that takes up our time.. I’ll see you three next week!” The therapist smiled and let them leave.

**—————**

“Wow. I love steamed carrots.” Shuichi said sarcastically, picking at his plate of soggy carrots. Himiko did the same, not really hungry for them.

”If you don’t like them then you can make dinner next time.” Maki popped the carrots into her mouth, but Himiko could see the cringing behind those eyes, she hated them too.

“Mmhf.. you know I can’t cook.” Shuichi finally put a carrot in his mouth, “remember the grilled cheese?”

”Nyeh. You almost burnt the whole house down.” Himiko giggled, Shuichi laughed with her, and Maki had to cover her smile with her hand.

Maki changed the topic however, looking at Himiko, “Mmh.. why didn’t you talk to the therapist about Angie and Tenko?”

”It wasn’t like you really talked to her about Kaito either.” Himiko said defensively.

”but I said something. You were quiet the whole time, why?”

Himiko sighed and pushed her plate away, “I dunno.. Nyeh.. she just seems..”

”Untrustworthy.” Shuichi pointed out.

”Nyeh, yes.” Himiko nodded in agreement. “Her vibes are off.”

”She’s the only therapist we can afford.. so I suggest we start talking to her.” Maki scolded.

”No thanks.” 

“How are you ever going to get better then?” Maki asked, suddenly her tone shifted into anger. Himiko looked at her, a frown on her own face at the sudden change.

”I.. What do you mean?” Himiko asked, her eyes narrowing.

”All you do is sit in bed and walk out to the garden. You do nothing, Himiko. I’m beginning to think you are having problems.” Maki huffed. Himiko could tell this was just concern masked with anger, but the yelling still made her uneasy.

”I’m fine. I’m not the only one who sits around and does nothing.”

”Guys.. please don’t fight.” Shuichi said quickly, “We need to stick together on things.”

Maki ignored him, “You seem to do it more. You disappear, you never talk to me and Shuichi. We begin to worry about you.”

”I don’t need your worry.” 

“I think you do, you won’t talk to anyone, Himiko. It’s almost-“

”Selfish?” Himiko cut in, her eyes narrowing in on Maki. Himiko was slightly trembling, Maki on the other hand kept her eyes straight at Himiko’s, narrowed and her expression seeming to be a mix of anger and worry. “You’re trying to say I’m selfish.”

”No. It’s almost a problem. What if you go missing one day and never come back? What would we do then?”

”Why are you so worried about me?! I don’t need your worry!” Himiko finally yelled, becoming tired of it.

”Because there is no one else out there to worry about you Himiko!” Maki yelled back. “Kaito, Kaede, Tenko, Angie they are all dead! And our families are not here to worry about us either! We are alone Himiko! Let at least one person express their concerns for you without getting defens-“

”SHUT UP!” Himiko yelled, tears starting to pour down her cheeks. Maki was quiet, and Shuichi watched with wide eyes. “Your worry is stupid! I don’t need it! I don’t need anyone to worry about me! I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m fine!” She moved out of her chair and stormed off into the other room, leaving Shuichi and Maki alone, quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tenko hates this chapter but Tenko had to rewrite it like,, five times,, the next chapter will be more fluffy ❤️


	3. Dream to See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Himiko has a flashback, and Maki and Himiko sort of make up.

**Dream to See**

**Himiko’s POV**

**TW: Mentions of Death**

**—————**

“Nyeh.. you didn’t have to come with me to the bathroom.” Himiko muttered, dressed only in her striped night gown. 

“You said you were scared! I just wanted to protect you is all!” Tenko grinned, talking loud, it made Himiko’s ears hurt a bit, as it was so quiet, and Tenko’s loud voice boomed through the quiet halls of Hope’s Peak. Himiko stopped by the bathroom doors. 

“Don’t come in with me this time. I’ve got it.”

”Alright.” Tenko stood outside, Himiko walked in. 

Himiko had this memory millions of times, the night at Hope’s Peak, the day before _it_ happened. She had so many regrets, so many ‘what if’s’ or ‘what could haves’. Himiko used the bathroom and stepped out, “Nyeh.. I heard Angie kicked you out of the council.”

”Yeah.. well that was more of my bad.” Tenko admitted, “I just wanted to protect you, Himiko.”

Himiko looked at Tenko, that face, those eyes, she knew what was going to happen to her. Himiko couldn’t stop her mouth from moving however, and she knew she couldn’t take those words back.

”I don’t need your worry.”

”I just-“

”No. I can handle myself.” Himiko snarled, guilt building up in her chest, “You played with Angie’s feelings just to get to me.”

”Thats not what I was trying to do, Himiko! Angie’s smart anyway! She probably-“

”You’re playing with my feelings! You don’t care that I’m happy with the council!”

”Himiko-“

”it’s not dangerous Tenko! I don’t need to be protected! I’m going to talk to Angie! I don’t need you! Angie is my friend! Angie cares about me, she cares that I’m happy! You don’t! You’re selfish Tenko!” Himiko yelled out, she couldn’t read Tenko’s face. She couldn’t at the time, but now it seemed like despair, her eyes softened she suddenly didn’t speak, and as Himiko shoved past her to go to Angie, she would only come to find that the door was locked.

Himiko never got to apologize. Her heart ached every time she thought about that moment.. Tenko, even after that, still gave up her life for her, didn’t expect a sorry or anything, just wanted to show her she cared.

Himiko wondered if Tenko knew what was going to happen when it did. She wondered what it had felt like when the sickle had entered her neck. Himiko wondered if she tried to cry out but they just couldn’t hear. It all hurt Himiko’s chest. She never got to say sorry, and she never got to see Tenko again, nor did she ever get to talk to Angie about that night. She just wondered what they would have said.

Himiko stared up at the ceiling, she hadn’t got out of bed since she stormed in there last night. Her eyes and cheeks were wet with tears, but she couldn’t remember if it were from the argument or if it was just the flashback she had. Himiko turned her head, looking at the time. It was 2 o’clock pm. She had been in bed for awhile. She heard the door open to the shared bedroom.

Maki walked in. “Get up Himiko. You’ve been in bed all day.”

”Nyeh.. so what? I’m tired.”

”You didn’t take your medicine, you haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch, and you know you have laundry to wash.”

”I don’t need to be reminded..”

”Well you clearly do. You’re still in bed.”

”You don’t need to-“ Himiko was about to yell. Then remembered Tenko. Her eyes softened and she sat up, slowly and painfully getting out of bed. “Fine..” she mumbled Himiko grabbed the laundry basket in the corner.

”Wash the jacket too.” Maki mentioned.

Himiko held her breath for a moment before nodding slowly. 

Himiko turned to exit the room, only for Maki to speak once more. “Oh. And Himiko.”

”Hm?”

”Im sorry.”

Himiko went quiet, stopping before turning to Maki, “I’m sorry too. I know you were just trying to help.”

“And I know you just want to be your own person. But seriously, go wash your clothes. They stink.” Maki made a rare smile.

Himiko returned the smile, laughing a bit and walking to the laundry room.


	4. Kitchen Sink Surgeries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Himiko washes her clothes, Maki, Shuichi and Himiko bond

**Kitchen Sink Surgeries**

**Himiko’s POV**

**TW: S//lf Harm, Depression, Mentions of Death, mentioned s//cide attempt**

**—————**

There are all sorts of ways to bond. Himiko found bonds in the council, with Tenko’s pushing, through living till the end. But to keep bonding was always difficult. Himiko never wanted to put that much effort into it anymore, Shuichi and Maki continued bonding while she remained behind.

Himiko was fine with that, she didn’t want any new friends. She had the portraits of her three friends, that was all she needed in her mind. Himiko sat on the washing machine, scared to move out of the room in fear of Maki or Shuichi seeing her arms. Slits, new and old, went across and up her arms. Three went up her veins, the three attempts to end herself there. Himiko could never cut deep enough to make it though, she didn’t quite know why.

Himiko hugged herself, feeling the air on her arms for the first time in awhile, that’s when Shuichi walked into the laundry room.

”Oh. Himiko. I haven’t seen you all day.” He smiled and leaned on the wall. Himiko wanted to curse herself, great, he wanted to have a conversation with her now?

”Nyeh. Sorry.” Was all she replied with, looking away.

”It’s fine. Maki was worried about you. She thought she really upset you after your fight.” Shuichi explained.

”We sort of made up.”

”Oh good. You two could be really good friends, I would hate to see you guys fight.”

Himiko replied with nothing.

”I see you have your jacket off. Finally washing it?”

”Yes. It’s been months.” Maki said as she walked in too. Himiko looked at the woman. She looked as blank as usual, but tired. Bags fell under her eyes, and she constantly blinked. 

“Nyeh.. I had no reason to take it off.”

”To wash it is a good reason, to change your clothes is another, then to shower. I’m glad you like your birthday gift but there is no need for something so gross.”

Himiko fell silent again.

Maki stared at her, a frown on her lips as she glanced at her arms. Himiko knew Maki wasn’t dumb, and Shuichi wasn’t either. They caught on. She could feel their worried looks on her face. She looked away, not wanting to see the glimpses.

”Let’s go to the sink.” Maki mumbled.

Cold water washed over Himiko’s arms, making her wince in pain. It never hurt that much when she actually slit them, at least not anymore, but the pain from the swelling they got was easy to feel. Maki gently scrubbed over the cuts with a cloth, before applying disinfectant. “What made you think this was a good idea?”

Himiko didn’t reply. She watched Maki rub over the cuts with the alcohol, it hurt, making her wince and pull back on Maki’s grip. Shuichi was behind Himiko, holding her sides as an odd way to comfort her. 

“You know better.” Maki scolded before sighing, looking at Himiko, “You need to tell the therapist.”

”Nyeh.. they’ll just send me off somewhere.”

Shuichi looked at Maki, “If she doesn’t want to tell the therapist, she doesn’t have to.”

Maki sighed, moving to the other arm to apply the alcohol there too. “I just think it would benefit Himiko. She would be able to talk about what’s really bothering her, and why she is doing this..”

”Nyeh. It’s for a good reason.”

”Youre going to kill yourself doing this, what good reason do you have?” Maki narrowed her eyes.

”It’s for Atua. To protect them. Nyeh.. Angie always said that-“

”Angie ran a cult. Angie’s god didn’t exist, she was just tricking you guys. I thought you knew this.” Maki growled. Shuichi frowned, unsure how to intervene.

Himiko frowned too, her eyes shutting, “Angie wouldn’t do that.. Angie was my friend! I’ll keep praising Atua in her honor.” 

Maki was about to argue back, but Shuichi quickly spoke, “Okay.. but what does this have to do with cutting yourself?” He leaned forward over Himiko’s shoulder.

”It’s a sacrifice to Atua to protect them.” Himiko explained, “I let my blood drain in the three cups, and every time I come back in, the blood is gone.”

Shuichi and Maki looked at each other, both having many questions on the situation.

”Three cups?” Shuichi asked, “Tenko, Angie and?”

”Him.”

”Kor-“

Himiko quickly covered her ears, as Maki had lost grip on Himiko’s hand. Shuichi understood what Himiko meant, so he gave a nod. 

“I thought you didn’t like him, Himiko.” Maki added.

”Nyeh.. I still don’t.. but..” she sighed, “I’ll tell you another time.. it’s a pain to explain..”

”Okay then. What about.. where are you doing this?” Shuichi asked.

”There is a hidden door inside the closet, and in there I have a shrine for each of them.. I drop the flowers off in there.”

”You have a shrine inside a hidden room in our closet? Where you offer blood to a god? And you never told us this?” Maki asked, her eyebrows raised.

”Guess that explains the flowers..” Shuichi mumbled, “Can you show us?”

”Nyeh.. fine.. just don’t touch the shrines.” Himiko waited till they both nodded in agreement, then she stood up, rubbing her arms as she lead them toward the closet. 

She moved the boxes aside, much to the surprise of Maki and Shuichi. They looked at each other as Himiko opened the door, crawling inside. Shuichi sighed, going next, then Maki following.

Both were welcomed with the sight of the three shrines. Tenko, Angie and Him. The flowers sat ideally on their shrines. Maki and Shuichi walked forward. “You have a specific flower set up?” Shuichi asked.

”Nyeh.. yes.. Tenko gets violets like that one poem.. how did it go?”

”Roses are red, Violets are blue.” Maki reminded.

”Funny. Roses are my favorite..” Himiko smiled a bit before looking at Angie’s, “She gets tulips. Nyeh.. Tulips just look really artsy to me, she would probably paint tulips.”

”And why does he get Petunias?” Shuichi asked.

”He just seems like the type that would appreciate Petunias.. Nyeh.. I’m not sure why.” Himiko admitted. She never really knew him. She wondered if she had known him.. would things be different? Would he have had the heart to change? To not kill them? Or would he have done it anyway? Would he have regretted it? Did he regret it? Himiko knew she would never know the answer.

”This is all.. different.” Maki admitted, “Did you find their portraits?”

”Yes.. in the rubble.”

”Hm.” Shuichi tapped his chin, “Well.. the shrines are pretty, Himiko, but you can’t keep using your blood for the shrines, you’re hurting yourself.”

”Then how else is Atua going to get his blood donation?” Himiko asked. 

Himiko also wasn’t sure she wanted to stop. It made her feel better, feel something.. Something she hadn’t felt in awhile. 

“Use animal blood at least. Stop using your own.” Maki scolded.

”Fine.” Himiko mumbled.

”Good. Now come on. I have something to talk about over dinner tonight.”

”Are we going out to eat?” Shuichi asked.

”Mmhm.” Maki said simply, walking out with Shuichi. Himiko looked at the shrines one more time before walking out with the other two.


	5. Dinner Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maki breaks hard news on both Shuichi and Himiko, Himiko remembers

**Dinner Date**

**Himiko’s POV**

**TW:**

**—————**

The worst part about surviving was the remembering. Shuichi had concluded that eventually, their memories of themselves would slowly return to them, and that soon they would begin to have the memories of their past selves. It became more strange to Himiko to think about however, since she has been in the real world, away from Hope’s Peak, it made her philosophical, at least a little.

Himiko always had to remind herself, that even if the memories returned, it wouldn’t matter very much, she would contain memories of two different worlds, and she would just become a third person, completely disconnected from the other two people that she used to be. Himiko was already finding that her memories were returning.

It was in a strange way, however. She remembered she liked certain foods, like sugary energy drinks and spicy chips. She remembered she would play on the super famicom when she was bored, but she still had no recollection of who she was beyond that. Simply, she was a girl who liked video games, spicy chips and energy drinks. Specifically the Pink Monster.

Himiko wondered if Maki and Shuichi had began to remember themselves too, but she was afraid to bring it up, unsure if she was just delusional. 

It wasn’t the time anyhow. Himiko played with the edges of her menu, rubbing her fingers along the edges of the leather and feeling the texture of it. She read over the menu millions of times, trying to find what she wanted. She didn’t know why she bothered to check, however, as she knew she was going to get chicken strips. 

After Maki ordered the food, she cleared her throat. “I’ve found a way for us to make some extra money, it’ll hold us off until we get jobs.” Maki explained.

”Thats great!” Shuichi grinned, Himiko noted that it was much wider then usual, maybe he was in a good mood.

Maki shook her head, causing Shuichi to quickly lose that grin, “We have to be on the news. We will be discussing Danganronpa.”

”Oh.” Shuichi looked down.

”We can only speak good about it. Any negative comments will cause us to lose our deal on the money.” Maki sighed.

”Nyeh.. I thought the point of all of this was to not endorse Danganronpa.. we wanted to stop it..” Himiko explained, Shuichi nodding in agreement.

”Yes. But if we don’t take this deal, then we will starve.” Maki looked between the two. 

Himiko sighed, looking toward Shuichi again. Himiko couldn’t read his expression; but she could sum it up in one word. Despair.

Thats all Danganronpa wishes for. The sight of despair so the viewers could have hope. Hope that they will continue on. Himiko knew this news was simply to give the audience hope of another season. Danganronpa owned their lives, as much as it owned the survivors. 

“I guess we have no choice.” Shuichi finally spoke, “We have to do it.”

”That was my reasoning.” Maki admitted, “I didn’t want this either.” She looked at the two, before the food was served in front of them.

——————

Himiko clicked around on her laptop, looking over the Danganronpa website. It already updated the report. 

**Tuesday, February xx, Listen to the Live News Story about Danganronpa! V3 Survivors Recount Their Stories!**

Himiko felt sick to her stomach, she gulped down her worries, closing out of the tab and going back on her search. 

She researched the other Danganronpa survivors, as well as the names of her ’classmates’. She hoped to find a glimpse of her past, but she was only led to theory blogs and blogs about their love for the ‘characters’. Himiko had always tried to avoid the things said about them, but she was desperate for a little closure.

She double clicked on a Tenko fan page first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to post! Buggy left this on a sort of cliff hanger, but Buggy will try to post really soon! If you guys have any suggestions for chapter ideas, feel free to request them! Buggy will begin to change POVs later down the line, but for now it’ll remain Himiko!


End file.
